Rules and Consequences

We are working on a new schedule. My daughter and son are agreed on the schedule and it goes in ½ hour increments from getting up at 7:15am to lights out at 8:00pm! We are all working to stay on schedule but it’s hard.

We are also working on a set of rules that have consequences (good and bad….follow the rules get good consequences, don’t follow get bad consequences). I’ve always hated consequences because I believe they need to “fit the crime” and it’s hard to find a consequence for a kid being rude other than not wanting to be around them and that seems a bit extreme. But now the consequences are spelled out and we are sticking to the rules. Today, day 1, was tough. My daughter pushed things to the point that all the consequences (bad ones) were used up before noon. Then she got mad and hurt me. Dad came and got her and took her off to cool down. She cooled down, came home and there were still arguments and problems, but I stuck to my guns. The consequences stayed in place. It was hard. It would have been so much easier to just say “fine go play outside” but I didn’t. By evening she was accepting that the consequences were there and staying.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I’m sure this won’t be easy and will take weeks to have an effect on her behavior. Who will last? Will she out last me? I hope not.

I hope to be able to get through to her so she can learn the life skills she needs to be a responsible adult. But I will say, this experience has gotten me to be able to tell her that I love her soul, her inner core no matter what, it’s her behavior I don’t like. And I took the time to make sure she “got that” as best a 10 year old can. So that was a successful outcome.

I think I need to talk much, much less and just let the rules speak for themselves. Perhaps duct tape would be a good idea for me!

Karen