The clock is ticking

The clock is ticking, tick, tick, tick……..we just have one week left before we take our daughter to New Mexico. She will be in a residential treatment center there where she will finally receive the help she needs and wants. She is excited about the horses and goats, but I know deep down she is scared and worried about being gone from home for so long. And I am scared and worried too. Is this the right decision, are we doing this the right way, will she be forever hurt by our doing this? Will she be happy, will she quickly make friends, and will they like her? Will she return to us a happy, loving empathetic joyful child….who we all know is in there deep down just waiting to burst out?

One thing I have realized is how her birth mother was able to make the choice to place her for adoption. I have always wondered how someone could do that; give their child to someone else. I knew in my head that it was a beautiful act of unselfish love; I just couldn’t ever imagine me doing it. Now, I know…..I am choosing to place my child with these people in New Mexico because it is the right thing for my child, maybe not for me, but for her. Of course, it’s not the same thing….I’m not giving up my rights as her parent, I will visit her often and talk to her daily, she will return to me…no doubts about it. But it’s still a hard, hard choice to make and I am making for her sake, because I love her more than I ever imagined I could love anyone.

So, our last week is full of play dates, a trip to an amusement park, favorite foods, swimming, playing and having as much fun together as possible.

But, this time has also been a time for reflection, quiet promises between us, hugs, asking for trust, and loving each other.

I’ll let you know how it all goes after next week.

With love in my heart,
Karen