Perfection

Here a portion of a post I put on Marsha Johnson's Waldorf list. It was written to a woman who wondered if she was the only one feeling that she wasn't providing a "perfect" Waldorf education to her children. I think the whole issue of guilt is very important and one that needs to be dealt with head on. I think that trying to provide the "perfect" Waldorf homeschool is a problem many of us struggle with. WE CANNOT BE PERFECT! So here is my response:

Are there others who worry about creating the "perfect" Waldorf education.......you can add me to that list and many moms I know who are using Waldorf at home. I feel that Waldorf is very "guilt inducing" if you allow it to be. We cannot achieve a Waldorf school at home because we only have 1, 2 or a few children and we don't have the training (well some of us don't) and some of our children need something different once in a while to help them over a bump, etc, etc, etc. And I imagine that there isn't a "perfect" Waldorf school out there either. There is so MUCH to pull from in Waldorf, I can't imagine any teacher or parent can use it all!

I can't/don't memorize stories for my children, sometimes I think the Grimm's stories are written so beautifully I want them to hear that beautiful language! I don't know much about Ancient India either! I have a home to clean and run and laundry to do and activities to get my children to. Some days I am lucky to work in some school work! Other days are beautiful, we have circle, we laugh, we play, we do our work, we bake bread......other days we struggle through 2 hours and then go our own way. That's homeschooling, isn't it?

And we are choosing to do this because we don't want "the old school" for our children, we want beauty, freedom, creativity and time to be children for them! So we almost have to become "super moms" to achieve it.

My dd has bipolar disorder and there are many days that we just can't get a lot done due to her moods. And my low energy level. Managing her bipolar disorder has to be a priority for all us in my house, it's sad because the rest of us miss out on some things, but it is the lot that we were given and she is a beautiful, generous, wonderfully smart child (it's often her intelligence that makes dealing with her the hardest) who deserves the best education I can give her. It ebbs and flows and I have to learn that it can't be "perfect". I was taught to be perfect, and I pay for that daily!

You are not alone!

Karen

Positive Movement

As they say, the proof is in the pudding! Things are going so much better around here. I feel like we have found our "normal" again. It's not perfect but it never will be. But my daughter is back to being manic and happy. We experience fewer angry periods and she is much more fun to be around.

I think one of the hardest things about having a child that is bipolar is realizing that when they aren't stable they aren't a lot of fun to be around. In fact, to be honest, there are times you just don't like them very much. Love is always there, but liking them can be difficult at times. It's a hard confession to make but one that I think we all have to be honest about. So there, now I have said it!

And to top it off, my daughter's personality (even if she weren't bipolar) isn't one that resonates with mine. So I have the added challenge of "getting along" with someone that is really in many ways the opposite of me. I know I'm not alone in this venture, many parents produce children that are different from them, but when you add the bipolar on top, it's hard!

I have come to realize that bipolar or not, she is very extroverted (I'm introverted), she loves to move (dance, sing, just MOVE), she's outspoken (no secrets around here), she loves a crowd (not me!), and she is loud! Now, multiply that by 100% (or more) thanks to being bipolar and you have a very, very extroverted person who has difficulties filtering what they do, say and think. Couple that with a mom who is outspoken but carefully, likes to rebel secretly and quietly, is happy to stay at home alone all day and veg out, would rather sit than run and dance, and is usually very quiet (unless pushed to yell at her kids).

But you know what? When she isn't home the energy level goes down swiftly around here. My son is more like me than not. He and I could sit on the couch and just veg out together all day. So when she isn't home, it's sometimes too quiet around here. She certainly brings the energy to my home. Her attitudes and energy and her projects and excitement are sorely missed when she isn't here. She goes away to camp every year for a week and it's way quiet here. At first it's a nice change but when she comes home I'm so glad to see her! And not just because she is my daughter and I miss her, but because she is often the life of the party here!

And parties! Our family all lives on a big farm. Aunts, Uncles, cousins, grandparents, we are all here (separate houses). So every holiday is a big party (there are 17 of us)! And my daughter is always ready for a party. She plans, she waits, she wants to prepare and when it's here she can't wait to go to the 'Party House' (yes, my brother in law built a separate house for parties.....he's a bit extroverted himself). I go to the parties and enjoy myself but am always ready to go home.

Gee, I sound like a big party pooper! Anyway, she is the life of our party, daily! And her energy and excitement are strongly missed when she is visiting others.

So, as difficult as life with a bipolar child can be, it's also wonderful and exciting. And I can say that because we are back to manic but happy around here!

Karen