Good Day, Bad Ending
We had a nice, simple, easy day today. My daughter decided to teach my son about US states! She put together a lesson for him. We went to park day which, in spite of living in a small town, is growing quickly. We visited the psychiatrist today and I told him things were going well. He was quick to let me know that she isn't stable but he was glad to hear things are better. We went to the grocery store and no problems there. In fact both kids asked for fresh green beans and broccoli!
So what happened? On the way home I mentioned that she needed to practice the piano. She already had ideas of what she wanted to do when she got home. She got angry, stomped out of the car (threatened to jump out while it was going)and proceeded to lock me out of the house. I opened the door with my key and she let me know that I had better leave. I told her wasn't going to be kicked out of my own house. So she locked herself in my bedroom. I got her to open the door (told her I needed my medicine). We got into a stand off and she attacked me. She slapped me in the face, on my head/ear and the chest. She threw a cat at me and I have 2 big scratches on my upper arm
I called my husband and cried a lot. It has been a long time since she hurt me! I think my tolerance is not too high for being hurt anymore. She went to her cousins's next door (I called to find out). I asked my sister-in-law to keep her there until dinner time. It's so hard for the family to know what is going on, however, we all live on the same piece of property so it's hard to avoid sometimes.
So, am I venting or am I complaining or what? I'm not venting. I am offering an experience to all of you. To see that if your child is violent, you aren't the only one. To show that it works out ok. You need support of family and/or friends. And you need to be able to talk about it to someone!
I feel ashamed for falling apart, for not giving up the stand off before I got hurt (she hasn't hurt me in a long time, I didn't think she would), for getting so angry, for crying to my husband while he was a work, for failing!
On the other hand, I am wondering why she got so upset after seeing the psychiatrist. Last time we saw him she became manic a day later. So what's going on there? Is he bringing up something in her that upsets her? I want to understand what happened, it helps me to analyze it, to see who made a mistake, who could have done better, etc.
Lessons learned:
1) Don't push when she is so upset
2) Don't worry about piano practice, it's not as important as not being hurt
3) Try to hold it together until husband comes home, he doesn't need to be pulled into arguments while he is trying to work.
4) Once we all calm down it is ok to forgive and forget.
5) "Winning" the argument isn't worth being hurt, having my son watch the fight, upsetting my husband, being sad that 'it's happened again'.
Advice I can offer to you.....pick your battles, always expect the unexpected, don't assume everything is OK--ever. When it's over, let it be over (my biggest challenge), offer a hug/kiss/some kind words....take the high road.
It was a tough evening. Her hitting me immediately brings back difficult feelings for me...too many years of being hurt daily come rushing at me.
When your child is unstable, gets angry, challenges you...what do you do? Stand your ground? Back off? Walk away? You have to be ready to make those choices every day. And they are hard choices to make.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a much better day!
Karen
So what happened? On the way home I mentioned that she needed to practice the piano. She already had ideas of what she wanted to do when she got home. She got angry, stomped out of the car (threatened to jump out while it was going)and proceeded to lock me out of the house. I opened the door with my key and she let me know that I had better leave. I told her wasn't going to be kicked out of my own house. So she locked herself in my bedroom. I got her to open the door (told her I needed my medicine). We got into a stand off and she attacked me. She slapped me in the face, on my head/ear and the chest. She threw a cat at me and I have 2 big scratches on my upper arm
I called my husband and cried a lot. It has been a long time since she hurt me! I think my tolerance is not too high for being hurt anymore. She went to her cousins's next door (I called to find out). I asked my sister-in-law to keep her there until dinner time. It's so hard for the family to know what is going on, however, we all live on the same piece of property so it's hard to avoid sometimes.
So, am I venting or am I complaining or what? I'm not venting. I am offering an experience to all of you. To see that if your child is violent, you aren't the only one. To show that it works out ok. You need support of family and/or friends. And you need to be able to talk about it to someone!
I feel ashamed for falling apart, for not giving up the stand off before I got hurt (she hasn't hurt me in a long time, I didn't think she would), for getting so angry, for crying to my husband while he was a work, for failing!
On the other hand, I am wondering why she got so upset after seeing the psychiatrist. Last time we saw him she became manic a day later. So what's going on there? Is he bringing up something in her that upsets her? I want to understand what happened, it helps me to analyze it, to see who made a mistake, who could have done better, etc.
Lessons learned:
1) Don't push when she is so upset
2) Don't worry about piano practice, it's not as important as not being hurt
3) Try to hold it together until husband comes home, he doesn't need to be pulled into arguments while he is trying to work.
4) Once we all calm down it is ok to forgive and forget.
5) "Winning" the argument isn't worth being hurt, having my son watch the fight, upsetting my husband, being sad that 'it's happened again'.
Advice I can offer to you.....pick your battles, always expect the unexpected, don't assume everything is OK--ever. When it's over, let it be over (my biggest challenge), offer a hug/kiss/some kind words....take the high road.
It was a tough evening. Her hitting me immediately brings back difficult feelings for me...too many years of being hurt daily come rushing at me.
When your child is unstable, gets angry, challenges you...what do you do? Stand your ground? Back off? Walk away? You have to be ready to make those choices every day. And they are hard choices to make.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a much better day!
Karen
posted by Karen Petz at 6:21 PM
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